sticky fingers and strawberry preserves

Only in Southern California can you learn to preserve ripe, delicious, bought directly from the farmer, strawberries in DECEMBER! This past week I undertook the project of turning 11 baskets of strawberries into strawberry jam. The driving force, and much needed guide, for this project was The Lovely Lass. She had previously introduced the idea of jam making when she returned from home with jars and jars of strawberry, raspberry and blackberry jam, that she'd made with her mother. Though I have the luxury of fresh fruits and vegetables year round, I still loved the idea of learning to make my own spread. Just one more way I can learn to provide for myself. Now, I'll be eating strawberry jam with toast, crackers, ice cream, cookies, french toast (the list goes on) for months!

Last week The Lass and I set out to gather all our ingredients. Surprisingly enough, canning supplies are not readily available in December - honestly, I don't think they're ever readily available. So, we went to the ever resourceful internet, and found the answer on a CHOWHOUND question board. For those who haven't heard of CHOWHOUND or CHOW, I definitely recommend taking a look. I particularly like CHOW's highlight of recipes that are In Season Right Now.

It took some serious searching but we finally found jars at the local Smart and Final, pectin on Amazon (they sell groceries in bulk?!) and strawberries (well they were easy) at the Larchmont Farmer's Market. The Lass and I gave the strawberries a week to ripen, my roommates and I used all our will power to not eat them beforehand, and then we set to our project.

Ingredients:

6 C. mashed strawberries (appx. 6 baskets)

1 box of pectin for every 6 cups of mashed strawberries
1/4 C. granulated sugar

4 C. granulated sugar

Canning jars

Directions:

Three baskets of strawberries featured.

Begin by running the canning jars through the dishwasher. You'll want them to be well sanitized, so keep them in the dishwasher until you are ready to pour the jam.

Next, rinse your strawberries and chop off the heads. Cut the berries in half, for easier mashing.

Throw your berries in a large bowl and begin mashing. We used a pastry blender with great success. Continue mashing until strawberries are crushed, not puréed.

Once you've mashed the berries measure 6 cups into a large pot and mix in pectin and 1/4 C. of granulated sugar. Heat on high and allow berries to reach a rolling boil. Stir intermittently.

Meanwhile, boil 2 cups of water. Once boiled, pour onto lids from the canning jars. This will soften the wax on the lids, which seals the jars and preserves the jam.

When berries have reached a rolling boil add 4 C. of sugar and mix quickly. Return mixture to a full rolling boil, and stir constantly. Allow to boil for one minute, and remove from heat.

Skim foam from top with a metal spoon.

Once berries are cooked and wax is softened begin filling jars. You'll have to move quickly.

Remove lids from the water with tongs, and place on jar opening. Screw on tightly.

Having one person to fill jars, and another to place tops is very helpful.

Turn the jars upside down, and leave for five minutes. Afterward turn them right side up, and set aside. It can take 12 - 24 hours for the lids to seal. Though ours sealed within 10 minutes. Just like jam bought from the grocery store, the lids are sealed when you cannot push in the center.

Once the jars have all sealed, you're done! Feel free to hand them out as gifts, or stock pile for the winter.

The jam was simple to make, and a great project for a peaceful afternoon. The savory scent of ripened strawberries, that intense sweetness that threatens to overwhelm your senses, filled our tiny kitchen, brimming over into the whole apartment. Our fingers were stained with red juices and our tongues puckered from too much sugar, but we ended with 16 jars of homemade jam, and a complete sense of accomplishment.

drunk off winesaps

It' s been a couple weeks since I've had an entry for cucumbers. My disappearance from the interweb is generally a sign that a writing project has invaded my brain and taken me hostage. I feel a little rusty in my return.

Below I've posted some photos from my recent trip to an apple farm near Yucaipa! There were acres and acres of farms rolling over the Southern California mountainsides. The entire town was devoted to Apple Tourism. Diners with every imaginable apple themed meal, gift shops packed with jars of apple butter, apple syrup, apple cider! Children ran through the streets clutching caramel apples, teenagers bobbed for apples in immense wooden barrels, old men smoked tobacco from pipes carved into the shapes of Granny Smiths and Romas. Okay, I'm exaggerating, but it was lovely. My apple picking partner and I wandered the farm filling our bags with Winesaps, which have a delicious crispness and a perfect blend of sweet and sour wine-like taste. I later used mine to make homemade applesauce, which went perfectly with roasted pork!

Pictures from the Orchard

Pictures from the Farm

My Bounty!

Applesauce Recipe

This recipe was simple and almost hasslefree. In the end I had a good product, but I've included notes where I'd make improvements. For starters, I like my applesauce SUPER DUPER tart! So I'd recommend Granny Smith apples as an addition.

Ingredients
3 lbs of apples - I have no scale in my house, so I couldn't tell you if I had three pounds. This is important though since it affects how much water you need. But if you're like me and you like to get crazy then just go for it!
1 teaspoon of cinnamon - not a bad addition, but I won't be doing it again. It covers the natural apple flavor, and I missed that.
1 1/2 C. water
2 thin lemon slices
1/4 tsp. salt - apparently this is important.

Directions
1. Peel and core apples. - You can leave the skin on a few, gives it texture.
2. Cut apples into appx. 1" cubes. - I did not do this. Mine were smaller and it turned out wonderfully. Since you're ultimately mashing them up I'm not sure it matters all that much.
3. Add all ingredients to pot and turn heat on high. Bring to boil, then cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer for 20 minutes, or until apples have softened significantly.
4. Stir frequently, making sure apples are not sticking to the pot. Add more water if necessary. Remove lemon slices.
5. Mash with a potato masher or with a food mill for a smoother consitency. Serve warm or room temperature. - Frankly, a fork also mashes quite well and it's a good alternative for those who have yet to acquire many kitchen supplies.

A big thanks to RecipeZaar for this quick and easy applesauce!

two men stranded on a deserted island

This book of jokes was put together by my friend Slu and her friend Aaron. It is irreverent, nonsensical and jovial! Enjoy!

JOKEBOOK

Aaron ANDERSEN

with contributions by


Sarah Louise WALKER

©2001-2002, 2004

DIALOGUES

Vampire 1: How was your vampire party last night?
Vampire 2: It was good.


Santa: Are you a cannibal?
Donner: You'd think so, wouldn't you?


*phone rings*
Secretary: Hello, this is the Red Cross.
Ct. Dracula: Do you deliver?
Secretary: No.


invisible woman: Did you miss me while I was gone?
invisible man: You were gone?!
invisible woman: You don't love me! I'm leaving you!
invisible man: You're still here?


Sam: What lovely eyes you have.
Pam: Stop trying to kiss my ass, bitch.


Santa: Which reindeer has a cold?
Blitzen: Who?
Santa: Rudolph.
Blitzen: Why do you say that?
Santa: 'Cause his nose is red.
Blitzen: You sleigh me.


George: Did you hear what happened with the reanimated caveman who gave birth to an octopus?!
Frank: Yes.
George: Then no need to tell you again.


Bezel: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Bev: What?
Bezel: Hell if I know!
Bev: I hate you.


Frita: A monster was having dinner in a restaurant and ordered soup.


Orville: *trips*
James: That reminds me, I left something in the oven!


man 1: What time is it?
man 2: Who you callin', Clock Face?!


Marsha: How was your job interview?
Mary: I blew it.
Marsha: You whore.


two men stranded on a tiny desert island:
man 1: We are stranded on a tiny desert island.
man 2: Would you please stop saying that?


Sheila: There's something in my eye!
Ava: Is it your finger?
Sheila: Well I'll be...

Sheila: There's something in my ear!
Ava: It's your finger again.
Sheila: Ooooooooooohh!

Sheila: Mmmmmrrrph!
Ava: Finger.
Sheila: Thanks.
Ava: I really gotta stop hangin' out with you.


man 7: Someone can't count.
Aaron: Shut up!



Q&As

Q: What's the difference between a baby and peanut butter?

A: One comes in a jar (the peanut butter).


Q: What was the newlywed overheard shouting from the hotel room, on her honeymoon?

A: "Here comes the bride!"


Q: Why is it good to make an elevator angry?

A: It'll only work if you press it's buttons.


Q: Why did the baker strip when she was making gingerbread men?

A: So they would rise.


Q: What does a thief put on stolen toast?

A: Purchased jelly (to throw 'em off the trail).


Q: What does a pirate say while eating a sandwich?

A: mmrrgrrfmm

Q: What does a grammar-obsessed pirate say while eating a sandwich?

A: Mmrrgrrfmm


Q: How many pounds is a ten-pound weight?

A: Depends on where you buy it.


Q: What's 3,682 divided by the square root of 16?

A: 920.5


Q: How many coconuts are in a biscuit?

A: Depends on if it's a coconut biscuit.


Q: What color is a red crayon?

Q: What kind of lame question is that?

A: Don't answer a question with a question, idiot.


Q: Why didn't Superman ever drown in a pool when he was younger?

A: He always had excellent supervision.


Q: What did the dead three-year old's autopsy say?

A: How he died.


KNOCK KNOCK

*knock, knock*

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting co -

...wait wait, start over, I wasn't ready.


*knock, knock*

I'm deaf.

Oh, sorry.

No problem.


*knock, knock*

Who's there?

What? Really?! They are?! Where??!!

Pete Townsend: Thanks a lot for blowing our cover!


*knock, knock*

...

*knock, Knock*

...

*KNOCK, KNOCK*

...

Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, being a Jehovah's Witness and trying to get someone to answer the door.


HAPPY TO SEE ME

Answers to: Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

What on earth are you talking about? You know I don't like bananas.

Well I'll tell you this, I'm allergic to bananas... *nudge, nudge*

You're ugly and I like bananas, so the odds aren't in your favor.

I'm a woman.

Whatever it is, I'm giving it to your monkey.

Why the hell can't a guy be happy to see someone and have a banana in his pocket?!!

These pants don't have pockets.

It's an orange.


blind man: Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

man 1: Let go.

profanities and hemlines

Last Saturday I finally made time for the next step in my education to become more self-sufficient. Thus began my first foray into garment improvement! I certainly haven't gained the confidence to abandon the commercial clothing industry entirely, or for that matter to trust myself with the completion of an even hemline...but one step at a time.

I decided to improve upon a vest that I wear at least three times a week. You know the accessory, or shoe, or bag, or jacket that you're convinced pulls together every outfit...that's my vest. I picked it up at H&M, and it's ALMOST perfect...with the exception of four, cheap, plastic blue buttons.

I began my day by heading over to The Button Store where I was introduced to a cornucopia of buttons made from antler, bone, ivory, shell, wood, glass, metal and leather. Buttons of every material and color filled both walls in the long, narrow shop. Ornate glass and ivory pieces plumed, unashamed of their vanity, within polished glass cases. I too was attracted by their elegance, but sense reminded me of my mission. The couple running the shop informed me that their store had been located on 3rd Street for 10 years, but had existed in another part of town long before. I'd have asked more questions but my timidity and their determination to quench my button drought quickly set us toward finding the right pieces for my project. Not feeling particularly brave that morning I expected to pick a sleek pair of shell buttons in a shade of brown. However the wonderful woman running the shop brought out a carved wooden set, with simple detailing and lush texture. I was hooked!

I arrived home to find that I was not the only person attempting a sewing project that day. The Ravishing Texan was taking on a much more ambitious project than my own, which I observed gleefully, and Ms. HopHop was finally learning to thread her sewing machine! And so we became a group of busy, worker bees gaining pleasure from our creative and daring exploits, and fun conversation. Needless to say I fancied myself back in that childhood fantasy of log cabins and home churned butter. An illusion that was abruptly shattered when The T Man decided it was time to check on his favorite baseball team. Regardless the projects were exciting for each of us, and though HopHop's definitely elicited a few profanities, we were each proud of our individual endeavors.

Sewing on Buttons 101:

I began by removing the plastic buttons. A couple snips with a slim fabric scissor will do it.

Next thread your needle and line up the two ends until they're even.


Tie a knot in the end. Tie another knot directly over the first one. Make sure the knots are thick enough so that they cannot slip through the fabric.

Then line up your first button and beginning from the underside of the fabric poke your needle through the first button hole. Loop it back down through the second button hole, and again up through the first. Continue this pattern until you've gone through each hole four times.


The top should look something like this.


The bottom will look something like this.


Next, poke the needle back through the fabric, but not through the button hole. Pull the thread through the fabric.


Then, twine the thread around the base of the button. This strengthens the loops made through the button and helps to keep the button sturdy.


Once you've completed the twine pull the needle through to the underside...


...and begin tying off the knot. Start by poking the needle through the looped thread that has already been sewn into the fabric. Pull it through until you're left with...


...a small loop. Send the needle through this loop and pull it tight. Repeat this action a second time and you're done!

Once completed my vest looks like an entirely new piece of clothing! It will definitely be showing up in future remixes.

traversing the transverse

Photos by Alex Falk

Back in July my friend Alex and I bonded over a shared interest in hiking. He's the real expert, well you know comparitvely, but having spent most summers in a small Colorado mountain town I'm not completely helpless. The perfectly, stunning pictures featured are from our first hike to the San Bernadino peak, a transverse mountain range along the Mojave desert. The hike is eight miles up, eight miles down.

Every time I venture into the wilderness I'm struck by an overwhelming sense of security. As if I've come home, and never belonged anywhere else. I'm grateful for the equal challenge and peace that comes with each excursion.

Coming Soon...

Stop by Monday the 6th to see if I can finally figure out what to do with those dang blasted buttons!

a whimsical spirit

Photo by Erin Paulson

CUCUMBERS AND PRAYERS

All day long
The earth shouts
“Gee, thanks.”

Such an exuberant gee,
It starts throwing
Things

As if God were passing by in a parade encouraging
Rowdy behavior
By looking so beautiful—
That a whole avalanche of mania swoops in!

I like this idea of throwing things at God,
And especially—His making us rowdy!

Thus, as soon as Hafiz is out of bed
I start stuffing large sacks
With old shoes, cucumbers,
And prayers

For the upcoming
Consecrated

Free-for all—
And who knows
What else.

-Hafiz, 14th century Iranian poet and master of Sufism
Translation by Daniel Ladinsky

The title of this blog is taken from a Hafiz poem that simply makes me laugh. I just love the idea of feeling so exuberant toward life that the only satisfactory form of self-expression is to throw cucumbers. If I were to do this they would have to be pealed and sliced. I like the image of cucumber slices glimmering as they soar through the air. The sunlight bouncing off their dewy centers, until they settle among blades of grass on an overgrown lawn. The phrase ‘cucumbers and prayers’ just felt like the perfect combination of whimsy and faith to suit my own perception of life.

Coming Soon...

Stop by Thursday for a look at majestic views from San Bernadino Peak, a transverse mountain range along the southern edge of the Mojave Desert.

one layer at a time

Final product for my first painting. I was thrilled that it looked like an illustration from a fairy tale.

I used a few petals from dried roses to add texture to the painting.

Second layer of my second painting.

The third layer of my second painting.

During my search for other forms of self-expression painting was the first alternative I found to writing. In honor of that, I'll write very little. All I would like to say is that painting is a wonderfully slow process, that requires absolutely no foresight. At least the way I do it. It can be playful and messy. Since I've had no practical training I cannot anticipate the end result. This leaves me with simple experimentation, which is liberating.